Sometimes, there is a price for blogging. Today, finally, I've paid my family fish. She was a graceful red-tail golden arowana. It has been six and a half years since our first acquaintance. Come to think of it, she's probably the only one standing by through the most important times of my life. Growing from a 5 inches puny into a fearsome 20+ inches beauty.

Arowanas are believed to be highly spiritual species of fishes. There's this folk tale about arowanas' demise as a shielding of calamity from its owners. Belief is about choosing. And this case I will. Harbouring all the burdens gave by us, she was more than just a decoration. I still remember the times I wished upon it as the solution to difficulties.

Speaking of the closest "kin" to it would have to be my dad. Who would painstakingly feed her every single day. She was such a fussy princess. Demanding only the freshest of prawns from market. Yes, she's eating what just like us- the raw prawns before processing. Before I learn of Ghandi, I learn of her. She goes on hunger strikes sometimes every now and then. ( just like what she did for the past few months before she left)

Before my parents went away for a day, my dad even instructed me to pay special attention on her. He, or rather we, knows. If dealing with a sudden problem is bitter, what can be said about knowing the problem beforehand and anticipating it with the same facade?

No I wasn't sad. It wouldn't be considered so. I need no consolation. It's merely a slight sense of absence and confuse. She was in a horrible battle before she lost. Thoroughly. But it was more of a relief.

The story will continue even after the proper burial carried out by my parents. It will never end. In my eyes, nothing ends in this world. It is just the perception of heart. The demisal of any loved ones too.

"Cherish" is a hypothesis invented after deprivation. In blunt, it's not invented.

There will sure be departures for everyone. Be it physical or psychological. But who will bear to?

Change the question, how wil you face it?

It doesn't matter... as long as you face it inside you.

Every single being has their own thoughts and opinions to perceive.

Asking myself indivually now on this moonless sunday midnight, " What is sleep", " What is schooling", " What is feeling"- i don't know.

But in all, This is life.

Farewell...

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